Integrity: You Either Got It Or You Don’t

A couple of months ago, an article titled “Is Having A Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” was published by Vogue Magazine, and it took the internet by storm. There were so many think pieces and commentary that it might have started a revolution. Since then, I’ve been pondering the topic, and I felt like something was still missing. Male bashing can be entertaining, but the article failed to get to the root of the issue. It’s not necessarily that men are bad people or that relationships aren’t worthwhile. It’s that so many women have had the experience of meeting a guy, falling in love, then later learning that he isn’t who he pretended to be. These guys are nice, charming, generous, and appear loving and kind in the beginning, but over time the mask slips, and like Reesa Teesa, they’re left wondering WHO TF DID I MARRY?

Integrity is a simple concept.  It’s being honest, morally upright, and consistent in your ethical principles even when no one is watching. It’s simply being who you say you are, all the time.

The problem with dating is that most men are either selfish, abusive, insecure, sexually deviant, narcissistic, reckless, greedy, hateful, or simply jealous of women. If they operated with transparency and were their true selves all the time, no one would ever date them. They know this better than women do. Yet instead of evolving, they learn from an early age how to lie, pretend, and deceive, but no one can hide forever. It gets exhausting even for them, and when they get tired of pretending, women suffer the consequence.

Men and women live in two completely different worlds. Women are sold the fantasy of love that they just need to weed through all the bad guys to find their Prince Charming. And men are sold the truth that they need to protect themselves from each other.

We hear all the time that men are protectors and providers, but who are they really protecting us from? Other men?

As we’ve seen over and over again. It doesn’t matter if you’re pretty like Halle Berry, or sexy like Megan The Stallion, or rich and accomplished like Beyonce, you are not exempt from a man’s bad character. You could be his fantasy dream girl sent down from heaven, but if that man does not have integrity, you will suffer.

Feeling like you’ve been bamboozled is the worst feeling ever because it makes you want to remove access, close shop, and really protect yourself. 

There are always talks about the male loneliness epidemic, and truthfully, men aren’t lonely enough. Unlike men, women are naturally born nurturers and builders of community, so they will always be fine without a partner (unless beaten, dismembered or unalived by a man, but that’s an article for another time).

The truth is that if men continue to operate without integrity, the birth and marriage rates will continue to drop globally.  Integrity isn’t just lacking in America, or western countries… it’s a global epidemic.

In South Korea, they are currently experiencing the 4b movement, where an entire generation of women is following the 4bs. For those unfamiliar, the 4B movement—short for the “Four No's”: no dating, no sex, no marriage, and no childbearing. The long-term trend has caused a massive collapse in birth rates, with the annual number of births dropping 57% from over 640,000 in 2000 to below 300,000 in 2020.

Prime Minister Mia Mottley of Barbados did an interview recently where she talked about how her number one priority as head of state is to increase the birth rate in Barbados. Not national security, economic welfare, or international relations...babies. Shocking right? The total fertility rate (TFR) of Barbados is currently around 1.7, which is below the "replacement level" of 2.1, meaning the native population is not naturally growing enough to replace itself. AKA a dying nation.

This is also true for China, Italy, Spain, Canada, Chile, Singapore, Hong Kong, Poland, Ukraine, Russia, Taiwan, Germany, The United States, Austria, Turkey, Japan and countless other nations. 

So my call to action is simple… men, get your shit together, or the future will not look pretty for you.

And lastly, remember that there are only two types of people on this earth. Women. And the children of women.